Goed, ik moet jullie natuurlijk wel telkens beetje bij beetje opvoeden en leren wat de culturele hoogtepunten zijn van het internet. Daarom nog maar een topic speciaal voor BASH.ORG!
Uitleg:
IRC is een chatprogramma waarmee je in chatkanalen kunt komen. In zo’n chatkanaal kunnen onwijs veel mensen zitten. Je kunt het dus vergelijken met een multigesprek in msn, maar dan zonder lag/vertraging, zelfs als er 1000 mensen zitten. Bash.org is een site waar allemaal quotes van IRC staan.
Link: http://bash.org/?top
Let wel op.. In de eerste 20 zitten er ook een paar waar je wat voorkennis voor moet hebben.. Dus als je iets niet snapt (ZEKER DE EERSTE!), gewoon overslaan en doorgaan.. Overigens moet ik wel toegeven dat alleen de top 100 en een paar uit de top 200 leuk zijn.. De rest is een beetje stom (a) Dus gewoon alleen de top 100 bekijken :P
Enkele van mijn favorieten:
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say…
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON”T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.†Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.†By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.â€ÂÂÂ
And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say…
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON”T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
YOU ALL SUCK DICK
er.
hi.
A common typo.
the keys are like right next to each other.
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must’ve chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What’d he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn’t come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don’t want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he’s not still buried, you’ll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken’s going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) ([email protected])
fucking ken
ken… that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn’t come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn’t know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don’t want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can’t beleive how perfect their timing was
Hey, you know what sucks?
vaccuums
Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
black holes
Hey, you know what just isn’t cool?
lava?
oh man
I was opening a coke, right
–> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind
and it exploded
ALMOST all over my keyboard
but I got it away just in time
<– Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
:<
* ab is away – gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it’s bm
being an asshole –
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
d-_-b
how u make that inverted b?
wait
never mind
man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
you don’t live in Hope mills do you?
ya, why man?
lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
you mother fucker
HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
try pressing the the Caps Lock key
O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
fuck me
hey baby, whats up?
umm….nothing?
So….want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
Wait….did you want to speak to my daughter?
Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
Ouroboros: lets play Pong
Ok.
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Whoops
I gotta go. There’s a dude next to me and he’s watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
Hey Mike
what?
Pussy.
er?
Pussy.
and?
Pussy.
…
Pussy.
i dont get it
AND YOU NEVER WILL.
bastard
*** Topic in #doghouse is ‘Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud’
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
what fraud?
You haven’t heard about it?
no?
You can read the full story at http://www.tubgirl.com
omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to ‘Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud’
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn’t it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class ^^
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
don’t you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
…
what?
oh shit
don’t you hate it when you DROP shit
what does your robot do, sam
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls
someone speak python here?
HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
SSSSS
the programming language
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
Who me?!
Yes you!
Couldn’t be!
Then WHO?!!
Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn’t touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)
i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
67% of girls are stupid
i belong with the other 13%
I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork… anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.
Yay I get laid today! Been a month…. needing it by now
………..
TMI TMI TMI
Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
Thanks for the info
eh?
damn i meant PAID
I get PAID today
dammit
so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
so i helped him walk to the toilet
all the stalls were occupied
lol
bryan is a rugby player… so a big guy
so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
and there’s this guy in there taking a shit
hahahahahaha
and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
then (this is genius) bryan thinks ‘oh shit… if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i’d want to fuck him up… so i’d better hit him first’
so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
and runs away
imagine being that guy… WORST NIGHT OUT EVER
I swear to god
I’ve just heard a duck tell a joke
o…k
there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
it looked just like duck stand-up comedy
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
hahahahaha
some girl just came onto our floor
and was yelling “sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper”
i just asked her what the paper was about
and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
bahahahaha
so my dad found my porn folder
and he was getting all pissed
so its all like “does this surprise you? i’m not stupid you know”
“i know dad”
“what do you have to say for yourself?”
at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say “C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes”
and he just shut up
what is it?
its his porn folder
so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
and showed up like 50yrs later like, “sup?”
whatd u think they’d say?
something along the lines of, “G`Day mate”
I should bomb something
…and it’s off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don’t log chats
Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
I’m sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )
Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
rapc?
…
Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
oic
Though you could also say it’s missing an e
wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall
The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
The logic is all there…
I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it’s dark out, so we figure we’re secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won’t notice.
The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we’re both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we’re busted.
So Bobby says we’ve gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what’s happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, “you guys be good now” and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
He didn’t even notice the smell of pot.
We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.
IronChef Foicite: well, there’s a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that’s if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that’s like saying
IronChef Foicite: “my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance”
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there’s more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that’s like saying “i have many ways in which I show my love for you”
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they’re still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that’s like saying “it doesn’t matter at all what you look like, I’ll still love you”
Genoeg? :’)
……………………………………………………………
…………………………….
where’s pacman when you need him?
. . .
OMG i fuckin did it!!!
FUCK!!!!!
it works?
no, i threw it out the window
the disk?
NO the whole drive
i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
:D
FUCK SHIT FUCK
THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
brb
. . .
shit
what? did ya break it?
well i couldn’t open the drive
so i had to pound it against a rock
:o
quite HARD
and you know what?
that fucking disk wasnt even there
???
i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
lol
I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
i’m actually cryin right now
. . .
wonder if i could make that drive work again
brb
